HOW TO BUILD THE PERFECT CAMPFIRE
Just as you can’t have Gin without Tonic, camping or glamping without a campfire is not only wrong, but should be punishable with an hour in the stocks being pelted with rotten tomatoes. Maybe thats a tad harsh - but a campfire is lovely to chat or sing around, maybe with a guitar, harp or string quartet. I went too far again there. Anyway - a good campfire will keep you warm and close to each other, you can toast marshmallows - OR BETTER STILL EACH OTHER - and is definitely the best Camping TV to visually mesmerise all who sit around it.
So how do you actually do it?
Easy - here’s our Buy-None-Get-One-Free Guide to building a campfire that would earn you a shiny Scout Badge and avoid pity laughs from the Bear Grylls-wannabes over there...
1. Choose where to build it
We have provided a cool (soon-to-be-hot) private firepit just for you. Keep it on flat ground, at least ten feet away from trees, bushes, vodka, tents, big yellow buses, sheep and anything else that could catch fire.
2. Common Ingredients
Firefighters (if it goes pear-shaped)
Tinder (not the dating App, but small bits of dry wood / straw. Pine cones are excellent) Kindling (larger twigs / sticks)
Fuel (bigger firewood / Tottenhams’ empty trophy cabinet / the tatty caravan next door)
3. Build it, and they will come...
Let’s keep it simple. Put some tinder in the middle. No shame in adding firelighters at this point. Add a pyramid of kindling on top. Top the pile with bigger wood, propped up in the same pyramid shape.
4. Light up
Use matches or a long-handled gas lighter to set the tinder alight. Cigarette lighters are excellent at burning your thumb and not so good at lighting fires. Do not use petrol / dynamite. The plan is - the flames should travel up and spread to the big wood on top. Sorted.
5. On your toes, or it’ll go out
When the fire is crackling away nicely, relax and enjoy it. Charge your glass, talk happy and exaggerate your stories. Fires are like a teenage boy - keep feeding it to keep it happy, adding more as required. Too little - it’ll wither, too much - it’ll get a bit hyper. No lobbing rubbish on - it’ll smoke and stink - just like that teenage boy.
6. Put your fire Out-Out
Don’t go to bed leaving a fire burning, even just as embers. The best way to put out a campfire is to sprinkle (not pour) water on the flames, embers and ashes.
7. Clean up
Generally do your best to leave the area tidy. You can then go home knowing, being (and telling everyone) you are a total legend...